真的受伤了

Now's that sister is getting married soon, I'm moving to her room. Got quite a no of stuffs to pack but I'm almost done.

I miss sister. I know I'm going to miss her badly, now that she's not going to stay with us. :'(

I will always remember the times when we were young, all those block catching, those times where brother and I waited so long outside her door just to get permission to play the computer. Not forgetting times where we spent in K sessions, hanging out, and her treating me nice and all. I really going to miss her badly I swear...

Now as I was packing my stuffs, I found many stuffs that was of much value to me. I found many things that I got through from events. Such as name tags and badges etc. I guess I'm one year older now... Now that I'm in year two, I learnt so much. I experience so much from events, and from where I stand in the past, now is much more different. I managed to achieve what I want. I've never been so much determined before. But... look what I've done...

I sacrifice my lifestyle, my friends, my sleep, my youth... Just to get what I want. This is the time where I'm suppose to enjoy, not working my ass off... But because of one word, "pride", I'm determined to prove everyone wrong. I found something more valuable as I search along my cabinet. I found many handwritten items and stuffs that clique has made/brought for me. I realize how much I neglected them. I realized I has taken them for granted. And that what they has given me has prove way beyond what I can provide them.

I feel like a heartless fool. I didn't even attend Aaron's last farewell.... :'( And to call myself a good friend/brother of his. I utterly failed myself. I miss those times where we were still in secondary school.

I don't know what I'm fighting for, what's worth fighting for. I don't know what can I do to make everyone happy. I don't know what I want. I don't think I have the capabilities to lead. Sometimes I just feel like shutting myself down. I wonder what would my friends feel if I were to isolate from them suddenly, not attending school, change number, address etc. Would they miss me? Would they search for me? Would they even care?

I thought what I'm doing right now is what I want. I thought this way I might be happier. I thought I can provide everyone laughter with my leadership and personality. Seems like I'm wrong. No one appreciate and no one cares.

Sometimes its just... I need someone to care. Give me the care and support I need. Love me with she got. That's all I need.

But you hurt me today. Knowing that you don't care at all after telling the truth. I guess I was expecting too much from you. But no worries... I won't bother you anymore. That's the only thing I could promise you. Nothing more.