Trying hard.

Really had been trying hard. Been through, done that. 历史不断重演，我好累...

It seems like I've been trying to live up to people's expectations all the time. Fear of disappointing others, I'd always been putting in my 百分百. I tried to grab every opportunities that past by so far... and really, I tried to perfect it. It seems like that only opportunity that past by me has been the one affecting me so much so far.

Never did I expect it could change my whole life. It took only one day to decide my whole life. I mean... It wasn't even fair to begin with. I lost everything because of that opportunity. I lost it.

I hate admitting defeat but now that it has come to this stage in life, what else can I do? I feel suffocated. I feel that the expectation of everyone's has slowly became a pressure but not a motivation to me anymore. I don't feel capable anymore. I feel weak. I feel inferior. I feel like giving up.

And yes, I was all ready to fall. Despite that, no one was there to hold me. It's more like I'm not willing to tell anyone. After all, who can really understand me? Who can really literally stand in my shoe and give their three cents?

Advices are easy to give, but they're not easy to accomplish.

I just hope one day everyone will understand how much their expectation has put me through, and that it isn't making me any happier. I feel like a failure. I feel disappointed in myself. I feel sorry that I failed everyone. I feel like I'm living for everyone except for, myself.