无语。。。

It just seem like we're no longer that close anymore... And truthfully, I really miss the past; times where we could talk the whole night long, sharing of stuffs basically anything, playing games together, getting punished together, going out together, teasing each other, supper at late night etc. Of course, many more to go... I mean... after all we've been spending 19 years++ together.

Shucks. It just damage me, knowing we've nothing much to talk nowadays. Ever since you have entered the army force, we've been seeing each other less, let alone get a chance to speak. This is where the most important part comes in. I hate it. I hate the fact that we're growing up. I hate the fact that we can't be childish anymore. I mean... I really miss those fun times. I miss spending time with you, with mom, with sis, with everyone in the family. And sometimes I could just bury myself in the bed, feeling so empty. Since when did I became this empty? It just seems like I couldn't be bothered with any feelings anymore. Or more like, I don't feel anything anymore.

I chance upon a quote recently, 'While you're growing up, don't forget your parents are growing old too." Mom has given birth to us twin at a late age, so as we grow older, she's get a little older each day too. It has come to my concern that mom's gonna grow old someday and she will need our support. Earnestly, I don't forward to the day, not a single bit. Not that I don't wish to support her, but more like, I don't want to see such a day where she will need support from us.

Perhaps I will be going for overseas internship for 24 weeks. I'm still considering whether I should go for it. I mean afterall, this is a rare opportunity and it provides really good exposures. I wished I could be mature by then, and hopefully, be thankful for my friends and family around me in Singapore. I just feel like, I really need a long getaway.

IT'S HOLIDAY YO!

It's nice isn't it?

This holiday... It just feels like I'm back in Y1S1, where I lead a carefree life STILL, and all I do is head home straight after school and sleep the night away. Truthfully speaking, yeah I kinda miss this type of life... Bleah, actually... I know I miss this a lot.

Commitments and maintaining relationship with different people I don't wanna miss out in my life is driving me crazy. Sometimes I just wanna be alone though, really. I hope people would understand that though (Which I doubt so). Cause if they'd understand, they wouldn't be putting more stain to what it has already accumulated.

As much as I had like to, I really wanna spent times with different people at different point in life. Not too much into one person, but rather, as a whole. Actually, part of the reason why I'd like to do this is because hmmm... I realize friendship is pretty fragile.

Without much time together, friends inevitablely seperates and lead their own life. I mean seriously, don't you find that true?

I kind of screwed up every time because I didn't really 'try' to sort out time for people whom I deem important. If they are really that important, why didn't I do what I had to do? Cherish them? Treasure them? Make them stay buy my side?

Reflecting on those happy times and memories we once shared together, it made me realize what I have been doing, or rather, what I've been missing out so far.

'What happen to the friendship?', sometimes I wondered. Is it my fault? Am I that cold-hearted? Did I even try? Have I ever spare a thought? Should I do this? Should I do that?

I know I know, I'm getting a little emotional here. Right right.

26 is coming. Just wished some people were here to celebrate this 19th together. To be honest, I missed them terribly. Things are not going to change right here right now, but I believe in the near future, or perhaps 2012, things are going to get better.

Nonetheless, I'm really glad most of my close friends will be here this year together. I can't afford to miss out any important people of my life.

would be yours, could be yours, should be yours.

smiling to the world, i'm not as strong as i am.

as much as i'd like to show the world my true-self, i never failed to get emotional when i'm alone, especially at nights, where streets are empty, and road goes exceptionally quiet. i really love taking long walk alone.

gives me so much space and time to reflect alone, on what i want really. at times it makes me really wanna give up on certain things at that certain point in time, but i know i couldn't. i know it's too much to bear.

i wished i can share them w/ someone... but there's only so much i can share. so much stuffs i'm unable to say as much as i like to.

i'd really like to thanks those who say will be there for me when i need them... but as harsh as reality is, i wouldn't share them... nope, definitely not.

i'm a person who likes to keep things to myself, becus i find it meaningless to say, given that they wouldn't understand still. you might ask how do i know when i haven't tell. i'm certain. nobody understand me as much. not even my own brother i say.

i really love smiling though, making people happy and stuff, being a joke and making a fool out of myself. i wished people see through the tears in my eyes. the pain i'm going through. and the dark side i'm falling within.

hope and solidary moments

dear diary,

lately i've been feeling upset and lethargic. i looked at myself in the mirror today and i asked myself what do i want exactly. the shagness from my face seems to tell me the answer.

i feel like giving up. it felt so bad. it just felt so bad feeling all helpless and not being able to do anything when everything's fallen apart. when everyone's leaving and not being able to convince them to stay.

i guess i need to take a step back and repriortize my commitments.

this quote has been on my mind; "when the fight gets tough, the tough get going"... it has been keeping me from falling... but i don't know how can this last.

Great friends everywhere

I had dare to say.

Ever since I enter Republic Polytechnic, my life has been a roller coaster. Though been through lotsa hardships, downturns and sufferings... There are always a positive side that I'll look at, strive with, and look forward to.

I'm counted lucky I guess... At least at different phrase of my poly life, there're always people I can turn to. There comes the main point. This post serve as a purpose to thank them for being there in parts and parcel of my life, so as to reminisce them, since we don't really get to hang out often now... but I really hope these friendships will prolong... really.

Theese are the friends that really made me miss them dearly... As much as words could express, all I wanna say is, even though we might not be there for each other all the time, but you know you'll always have me when you need someone.

• Jeremy, Jianwei, Timothy
• Huiqi, Leemin
• Koh Jiawen
• Maimunah and Yiting
• Yingzhen
• Jaslyn
• Verena, Cherie, Cheryl, Toh Boonyuen
• Valerie Chui
• Lim Geikchang
• Apple Sng
• Jace Low
• Sherman and Diana
• Charles and Tracy
• Liz Chng
  
• Ng Weiting, Chia Weiting, Hidayah, Joelle
  
• Malcolm
  
• Weijie, Hongxuan, Edward, Nicholas, Amir

As much as I would like to put all the pictures in, the picture exceeded the requirements. So... Damn it.

？

其实，也不知道发生了什么事。突然的，好像什么都变了。。

我也不知道你发生了什么事，就好像你也不知道我们发生了什么事情。你似乎变成了另外一个人。感觉好像我们的友情已结束了，无法挽回了。好多事情，我都希望我知道问题出在哪。。可是，你不说，我们也不知道要怎么开口问你。

可能吧，你有了新的朋友，你觉得生活变得比较好一点，有人给你关心，给你安慰，给你鼓励。。其实，我们一直都在。。只是，你选择了告诉他们。你可能没有发觉吧，其实在你的世界里，只有那两个人对你最重要。你心知肚明。

你说你累了。。大家都很忙，没时间见面，了解彼此的生活，你说得对。谁不累？谁没有学业要忙？谁没有家庭问题？大家都在忍，大家都在为自己的目标而奋斗。你不觉得你有点小题大做吗？每个人都没有放弃，可是，你一点点就放弃了。也许说了这些，我们的友情会更加僵化，但有些事，我们都知道无法逃避。有些事，最终还是要解决的。

我们之所以是一个clique因为我们都了解彼此，体谅彼此，相信彼此。。可是，我们似乎不了解你了。你也不跟我们分享你所有的喜怒哀乐。不是我们不肯听，也不是我们不肯给你我们祝福，可是，你有试过吗？你宁可把所有的问题告诉她。。那，你又能怎么要我们开口问你？既然你选择不亲口告诉我们，选择让我们从其他的方式知道，这就更难让我们开口问你了。

我说你试过了。。是我们看不到吗？还是，你没真正试过就放弃了？

你不觉得很荒唐吗？你突然在blog说我们。请问，我们到底错在哪里？你知道我们很难受吗？你有想过我们的感受吗？你不肯说为什么，我们也没办法知道，问题永远都解决不了。。

Post-exam feeling.

UTs over!

It's finally holiday but we were only given 1 month holiday. Thanks uh RP. I bet this holiday wouldn't even be counted as a holiday since my calender are all filled with events and stuffs.

I'm really shocked by the amount of works I need to do just by looking at the calender. Just wish that all of this would be over soon. I will only need to last till graduation time!

Haha. I guess I really grown? From a guy that is always relying on others in Secondary School to a guy who is relatively independent now.. A guy who is capable on handling things just fine... except for friendship I guess.

I'm going to Perth soon! Really can't wait for it man! Chocolate factory... Farm stay... Pubs... and so many more. I bet it gonna be a fruitful trip!

Till then!